


Begin Again

by Wellthisdidntgotoplan



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Daniel messed up, Getting Back Together, I too would ditch Max and Lando to go confess my undying love for Esteban, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29545767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wellthisdidntgotoplan/pseuds/Wellthisdidntgotoplan
Summary: Daniel doesn't want to be here. All he wants is Esteban.
Relationships: Esteban Ocon/Daniel Ricciardo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I've said previously I was excited for Mclaren!Daniel. I have since then changed my mind. I miss Renault and want team yellow back.

The music is too loud. Daniel’s not drunk enough to enjoy it. Max and Lando had wandered off ages ago to dance, they had wanted Daniel to go with them, but he wasn’t in the mood. He hadn’t been in the mood for weeks. The whole night had been planned to cheer Daniel up again, it just wasn’t working. Daniel knew where he wanted to be. He knew what would make him happy, but he had ruined that. No. He hadn’t ruined it. He had destroyed it. He took something beautiful and dropped a bomb on it.

He deserved the nasty looks Lance shot him across the paddock. 

His eyes flick down to his watch. Half past one. It wasn’t that late. Not really. If he were lucky Esteban would still be awake. It was such a bad idea. The worst idea Daniel probably ever had. Ok. Not the worst, but definitely the second. He shouldn’t do it. Esteban had made it clear how he felt. Daniel had hurt him. Hurt him so bad that he could never fix it. God, he loves Esteban so much. He fucked everything up so bad. He’s tipsy enough to throw all caution to the wind.

He sends a quick message to Max telling him he’s going back to the hotel before setting off on his destination. He knows what room Esteban’s staying because he asks Cyril every week since Esteban told him to leave him alone. Cyril gives him a pitying smile and offers it up even though he shouldn’t. Daniel finally feels his phone vibrate back when he’s swaying in the lift. Even though it’s Max’s number he can tell it’s Lando who’s sent the message, it’s full of sad face emoji’s and every word is spelt wrong. He turns his phone off, pocketing it as the doors open.

Stumbling out he desperately searches is for room thirty-seven. He unknowingly walks past it twice. When he stops in front of the door everything hits him like a freight train. He shouldn’t be here. Not this late, not intoxicated. Daniel ended it. Esteban had made his position clear, Daniel should respect it, but he misses Esteban so much. He wants everything to go back to normal. Back to when Esteban still wanted him. Back to when he hadn’t ruined everything. He shouldn’t be here, but he’s knocking on the door anyway.

It takes a minute, but Esteban opens the door, he’s standing in shorts and grey t-shirt and all Daniel wants to do is slide his hand up under the soft material, to touch Esteban’s warm skin. Instead he keeps his hands to himself, smiling sheepishly at Esteban.

“Daniel, what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” Esteban frowns, obviously thrown by Daniel turning up out of the blue, “Please.”

Despite their now twisted relationship and Daniel’s surprise visit, Esteban steps aside. Daniel enters, feeling even sillier than he did moments ago. He shouldn’t have done this. What was he thinking?

The door shuts behind them. Shutting them out from the rest of the world. Esteban moves across the room, standing in front of his bed. Even though he’s taller than Daniel, he’s so skinny he looks small. All Daniel wants is to cross the room and hold him. He misses Esteban so much.

“What do you want?” It comes harsh and bitter, it makes Daniel flinch. He deserves it though.

“I miss you.”

The look Esteban throws him is lethal. Daniel watches Esteban’s face morph into fury he’s never seen on Esteban before. All it does is make the guilty feeling settle deeper in the pit of his stomach. This was such a bad idea.

“You don’t get to do that.” Esteban seethes, “You don’t get to break up with me and then come tell me you miss me.”

“I know, Este, I know. I’m _sorry_.” Daniel means it. He means it with his entire being. He loves Esteban, “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back. I miss you so much it hurts. I love you.”

For the briefest of moments hope flickers across Esteban’s eyes before it twists back into anger. That’s all Daniel needs. He can grovel. He will do anything to make Esteban see how sorry he is.

“No. _No_. You’re not allowed to do that. They aren’t magic words. You can’t say them and expect me to forgive you. You can’t do that Daniel.” He watches as Esteban’s eyes well up with tears. Daniel wants to cry too. He’s fucked everything up so much.

Daniel nods, “I know. I don’t expect you to. I need you to know though. I need you to know that I am sorry and if I could take it back I would. I wish I’d never said it. I love you. I love you so much.”

Esteban looks as heartbroken as Daniel feels. All Daniel wants to do is reach across the space between them. To take Esteban in his arms, to hold him tight and promise to never let him go again. Instead he stays where he is.

“You are the one the broke up with me.” Esteban chokes out.

“I know.”

“You told me you couldn’t be with me.”

“I know.”

“You told me that you couldn’t be with me because your friends don’t like me.”

“ _I know_.”

The reminder of their last conversation makes Daniel’s chest tight. He’s regretted the words ever since they left his mouth. It had been a heat of the moment thing. Daniel had spent the evening listening to Max complain about Esteban after they crashed during the race. When he had turned up at Esteban’s door that night, frustrated and exhausted and Esteban had started complaining about Max, Daniel had snapped. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t want to be the guy who chose his boyfriend over his friends, it just escalated into an argument that ruined everything. Daniel regretted it the moment the words came flying out of his mouth.

Esteban was special. He was pretty sure Esteban was _it_. Now, Daniel wasn’t even sure if Esteban would ever forgive him.

“Nothing has changed Daniel.” Esteban says in such a small voice, Daniel barely hears him.

In a split second Daniel is across the room, hands cupping Esteban’s face, “Everything has changed. I love you.” Daniel can feel his own eyes well with tears, “I’m miserable. I miss you so much. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’ll tell the whole world that I love you right now if that’s what you want. I just don’t want to go another day pretending that I don’t.”

Esteban stares at him, too many emotions swirling across his face for Daniel to decipher. All that matters though is Esteban’s hands curling into is shirt. When Esteban’s forehead knocks into his, Daniel can’t help but be overwhelmed by his relief. He feels tears well up again. He definitely doesn’t deserve any of this. Nevertheless, he’s grateful for it.

“I want to,” Esteban whispers, “I want to, but I don’t want to be a problem.”

“You aren’t a problem. You are so far from a problem.”

“But Max hates me.”

“Max can suck my dick. I’m in love with you, that’s all that matters.”

His heart sinks when Esteban pulls away, but that feeling quickly evaporates when Esteban pushes him backwards until he’s sitting firmly on the edge of the bed. His heart soars when Esteban scrambles into his lap, wrapping his arms around Daniel’s neck, fingers working themselves into Daniel’s curls, tugging his head up so that they are looking into each other’s eyes. Daniel wraps his arms around Esteban, pulling him as close as they can be. He’s missed this so much. He’s missed Esteban so much. He’s never letting Esteban go again.

“Say it again.”

Daniel knows exactly what he wants to hear, “I love you, Esteban.”

The grin that spreads across Esteban’s face is beautiful and Daniel’s going to spend his life making Esteban grin like that.

“I love you too, Daniel.”

Both of them are moving at the same time. Their mouths frantically meeting. Daniel moans, he can’t resist it. He’s so lucky. He’s so in love. He never wants to stop kissing him. Esteban pulls away, panting, smiling and Daniel has to run a thumb over Esteban’s bottom lip.

“Will you be my boyfriend again?” Daniel asks hesitantly. Scared that despite how happy Esteban is right now, he might not want Daniel back.

Instead of answering straight away, Esteban leans forward pressing his mouth quickly back against Daniel’s.

“Yes.”


End file.
